Build Your Community [Step 3]
Who will champion your vision for change?
Seven Steps to Sustainable Change: A Blog Series to Support Healthy Change & Leadership Development
In your community of friends, family, and colleagues, who inspires you to develop into the best version of yourself? Who is willing to give you honest feedback, support your growth, and keep you motivated?
When I think back on the most profound growth I have experienced, I simultaneously recall the community that surrounded me in those critical moments – friends, family, classmates, or colleagues who invested in my development.
In college, I had my first very hands-on, crash course in leadership development with the support from a community of leaders who were growing and learning together.
When I started my teaching career, my co-teachers and mentors helped me to learn strategies to communicate across cultural differences.
As a busy working mom, setting stronger boundaries was (and still is) an effort that my closest friends and family members support through providing perspective and advice.
Cultivating a community of support provides an anchor of accountability, a source of stability and security when you find yourself wavering in your resolve. Consider these three ways to build a stronger, more valuable community of support.
“Most of us have been touched deeply by a few important people: people who, because of their feelings for us and their actions, have helped us to become who we are today. Some of what these special people gave to us was uplifting and inspiring. Sometimes what they gave to us caused pain and only made sense later. Who has been a very special person in your life? Who has shaped you and helped you to be who you are today?
”
Form Strategic Partnerships
The power of relationships to support wellbeing, productivity, and personal transformation cannot be understated. Across the world, meaningful friendships serve as a major source of life satisfaction. Gallup’s research on employee engagement demonstrates that individuals who have a best friend at their workplace are seven times more likely to be fulfilled in their work. Research conducted by Ryan and Deci demonstrates how meaningful relationships can greatly increase our intrinsic motivation towards a goal.
Drawing from his research on vital friendships, Tom Rath defined eight roles as unique contributors to support positive growth:
1. Builders: motivate you to pursue personal/professional development
2. Champions: affirm you and praise your work
3. Collaborators: share similar interests and goals with you
4. Companions: loyally support you no matter what
5. Connectors: help you develop valuable relationships
6. Energizers: contribute positive strength and joy
7. Mind Openers: provide new and interesting perspectives
8. Navigators: offer guidance for decision-making
Given this list of diverse roles, who is represented in your current community? What other type of support do you most need, and how can you find it?
“What kind of vision are you casting for the people around you?”
The other side of the equation is to ensure that you can also reciprocate in meaningful ways. Leverage the unique strengths you offer to your circle of colleagues, friends, or family, realizing that your thoughtful support of others may be one of the missing pieces they need to realize their potential.
Create Authentic Connections
What kind of relationships are going to provide us the greatest opportunity to grow?
From her research on wholehearted living, Brene Brown describes authenticity as a series of decisions we make daily, to show up and be honest about who we really are, and she explains vulnerability as an emotional risk to share our raw truth in a moment “where courage and fear meet.” Researcher and professor Amy Edmonson explains a similar concept known as psychological safety, a state of collaborative learning that is forged by mutual commitment to asking questions, giving constructive feedback, and admitting mistakes.
Building trust in my relationships provides a pathway for me to be honest about how I need to change. When I am surrounded by others who support me through my weaknesses and struggles, I can experience authentic opportunities to be challenged and to grow.
“Our shared vulnerability creates light in normally dark places...
… Give me the courage to show up and let myself be seen.
”
How can you create more authentic connections where there is a safe space to be vulnerable, where deep growth can take place?
Start a Coaching Circle
How can you create stronger, more strategic support in your community?
When I first experienced coaching, I discovered a creative catalyst to inspire growth in many areas of my life. In contrast to the venting or advice-giving sessions typical to casual friendships and co-working relationships, coaching conversations use active listening and powerful questioning to create space for us to identify our own solutions.
Small groups of any kind can be beneficial, but a coaching circle takes the small group concept a few steps further by applying a process to deepen awareness and achieve goals. After being trained as a coach, I realized that by forming a coaching circle (a group of friends or colleagues who are open to using some basic coaching skills to support one another), I could become more intentional in my own growth, and offer a powerful source of support to my friends and colleagues in return.
Could a coaching circle work for you? Consider these practical next steps:
Decide on the format and frequency. Peer coaching can either take the form of 1-1 formats or small group meetings. In either case, it is important to establish shared expectations for how to identify goals, facilitate check-ins, and structure accountability.
Practice some basic coaching skills. You do not have to become a certified coach to meaningfully support someone else’s growth and development. Essential coaching skills include engaging in empathetic listening, expressing nonjudgmental curiosity, asking open-ended questions, and providing accountability for action.
Practice coaching as a daily conversation habit. If you’re more accustomed to giving advice, intentionally practice a style switch in your daily communication. Focus on listening and asking questions to help family members and friends gain new insights.
Customize your group. Coaching can be powerful for groups who share similar values or goals: for example, faith-based community groups, writers or artists, parents, or athletes.
Who inspires you to develop into the best version of yourself?
Coaching Inspiration
Save some of the coaching inspiration and tools you enjoyed in this blog. Follow me on Pinterest, where I curate resources for leaders, educators, and teams.
References
Boyatzis, R. E., Boyatzis, R., & McKee, A. (2005). Resonant leadership: Renewing yourself and connecting with others through mindfulness, hope, and compassion. Harvard Business Press.
Deci, E. L., & Ryan, R. M. (n.d.). Home. Retrieved February 13, 2018, from http://selfdeterminationtheory.org/
Rath, T. (2006). Vital friends: The people you can't afford to live without. Simon and Schuster.
Parker, P., Hall, D. T. T., Kram, K. E., & Wasserman, I. C. (2018). Peer coaching at work: Principles and practices. Stanford University Press.
Patrick, H., Knee, C. R., Canevello, A., & Lonsbary, C. (2007). The role of need fulfillment in relationship functioning and well-being: A self-determination theory perspective. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 92(3), 434-457.
